Artificial Cheese

This country is really in the toilet when it comes to foreign affairs. I’m speaking particularly of the continuing problems with terrorists as well as Kim Jong-il’s recently satisfied missle fetish. Unfortunately our only hope is a rootin-tootin trigger-happy drunk that has no concept of tact. That leaves it up to me to figure it all out, cause I know everyone else is busy watching Prison Break and Dancing with the Stars.

Well alright. Some time in the last 50 years this country has lost its ability to wage a sneaky war. Just because we have the “big stick” doesn’t mean we can’t dance like a quick little Venezuelan in a knife fight. Propaganda, espionage, mercenaries, cleverly placed spoiled eggs…none of these things are considered anymore. The only two options being considered to end our conflict in Iraq is to stay and die or abandon the effort.

In this case, like in most others, the best solution is found in the middle. These problems can disappear with three easy steps:

1. Bomb a government complex in North Korea
2. Record a masked group of AK-47 wielding Cubans taking credit for the bombing in the name of Allah.
3. Watch the fireworks.

Now the tables have turned. Not only is the problem out of our back yard, but the newly opposed groups of warmongers are equally nuts. Wait for some man-bombs to go off in Korea, call it a humanitarian disaster, then go back to watching re-runs of Friends on TBS. That Chandler is so funny!