Artificial Cheese

I’ve never punched a man out of anger, and I don’t claim to be able to fight. However, if I were 6′8″, 250 pounds, and have been lifting weights since I was 15 years old, I would be ashamed of myself if I faught like a 7 year old child engaged in a hissy fit. So why is it that every professional basketball player in America fights like a girl?

The Nuggets vs. Knicks game today featured a “brawl” between the two teams. In hockey, a brawl means missing teeth, facial lacerations, bloody streaks across the ice, and many satisfied fans. In soccer, a brawl means rioting, small-scale wars and furious explosions, and many mysteriously missing fans. A “basketbrawl” is quite different.

A brawl in basketball is PG-13 at best, but should not be seen at any cost. Its too shameful that the country’s most physically imposing people punch like Swedish schoolboys. Take Carmelo Anthony in the aforementioned Nuggets vs. Knicks brawl, running around like he’s swatting flies on people’s faces. Its embarassing for Denver fans and large muscular people everywhere. Even Carmelo Anthony should write a letter of apology to his friends and family for punching like an alter boy.

So the answer is to stop. Stop fighting during basketball games. Not because fighting has no place in a competitive sport, but because you just don’t know what you’re doing.