Artificial Cheese

Since I totally recovered from my lost wallet, I had the time to focus on other parts of my life.  I was able to concentrate on my new job and getting prepared for the legwork involved.

Ilamor decided to take me out to dinner at Villa Barolo in Warrington, Pa.  The food is pretty good and the atmosphere is friendly and lively, like an Olive Garden commercial but real life.

In any case, I had an important conference call in the morning.  You see, I’m an important person and important people take conference calls.  After concluding the call, I began to get ready to leave my house for the first time in a very long time.  I showered and had the best shave of my life after growing facial hair wildly for a week.

I moved to my car.   From the window I noticed something strange hanging by the steering wheel.  A purple rope-ish thing.  I entered my car to find that the purple rope was attached to a set of Chevrolet car keys in my ignition.  The only problem is that I drive a Honda Civic. 

I managed to jiggle the keys out of the ignition with some effort.  At this point hundreds of scenerios started running through my head, none of which make complete sense.  I wasn’t too excited or worried at this point, I was more concerned that I will be late for dinner.

So I gave my sister a call to tell her that I will be late.  The keys also contained a small membership card to a gym called LA Fitness.  I figured that I would put on my detective hat and give them a call.  I planned to use the ID number on the card to locate the owner of the keys.  Twenty minutes of hold time later, I decided to give up.

Now I am not too comfortable leaving my house unattended knowing someone broke into my car.  So I called the local police department to see if they encounter this sort of thing often and if there was anything to be concerned about.  The local department’s number automatically forwarded me to a non-emergency number following some dial pad options.  The forward turned out to be a dispatcher, and the only answer that the dispatcher could give was to send a dispatch to my house.

Great.  So now I’m waiting for the police to come to my house so I can tell him, “Uhh…I found this in my car.”  When the guy shows up he passes my house in his police-van not once, but twice.  On the third pass he finally stops and gets out.

He shouts, “Whats the problem?” from 2 feet in from my face.  So I hand him the keys and proceed to tell him what happened.  He again shouts, “Well you should keep your door locked.”

Thank you, Officer Hindsight.  That really puts me at ease.  His demeaner told me that this sort of thing isn’t unusual for them, so I decided to carry on with my evening and go to dinner.  But I still can’t construct a valid theoretical situation in which the end result would be a set of keys in my ignition but the car and its contents untouched.  Peculiar.