Artificial Cheese

As I was visiting cnnsi.com to catch up on the Cavs-Spurs NBA finals series, the latest indication of America’s annual summer addiction to football was pressed up against the anger portion of my brain.  The Bengal’s star wide receiver, Chad Johnson, raced a horse in a charity event recently.  He wasn’t on the horse, but rather he was running against the horse.

Fortunately he won, because if he lost we would need to sit through a press conference, and trade/retirement rumors, experts opinions on why a horse was faster than him, a certain hold-out because he wants more money but he’s not getting it because he lost to a horse, etc…

But while the headlines say, “Johnson outpaces a horse”, its just not true.  He was given a 100 meter head start.  Granted, I probably wouldn’t be able to run the length of the race, let alone outrun a horse, but thats not the point.  Why are the headlines worded, without question, that Johnson was faster than a horse?

…And why are we still pitting ourselves in these man vs. beast competitions?  Just look around…we won.  We won a long time ago.  We won so bad that we force the opponents into these lop-sided competitions, then we cut them up and turn their hooves into glue.

Okay I’m gonna go calm down.