Artificial Cheese

Its the international sports story of the year, british mega-celebrity David Beckham decided to accept a contract with the American Major League Soccer team, the Los Angeles Galaxy, and his first game is tomorrow, Saturday, July 21st. Any level minded American man with a shred of sports sense knows that soccer will not make it in America. But nobody in this country can argue that point.

Why won’t soccer be successful in this country? Maybe there are too many sports already, but then sports like UFC find their way into mainstream like my finger into someone’s cereal bowl. Maybe its because Americans just aren’t good at soccer, but the US soccer team isn’t quite the laughing stock that it used to be. Soccer might be too slow, but why are there so many baseball fans in this country?

Whatever the root cause of soccer’s unpopularity may be, soccer will not be popular because it has become unpopular. In other words, those people who think that the sport is unpopular will go out of their way to avoid watching soccer rather than give it a chance, simply because it has been branded as “unpopular”. But ‘those people’ that I mentioned are usually male football fans. If the MLS and David Beckham wants to grab the attention of the average american male, in the name of soccer, then they must find an incentive for those men to pay attention. What sort of incentive to men react to?

Men react to women, and women react to David Beckham. So the objective becomes clear for MLS and the Los Angeles Galaxy. Get this estrogen magnet onto as many daytime talk shows as possible. Oprah, Ellen, Judy, Margaret, Jerry Springer, Montel, whatever. Hit that Food Network like an Ike at a Tina factory. Just get him in front of as many females as possible. Eventually you’ll be filling stadiums with giddy wives and reluctant men. Heck, maybe even some giddy men…you know…the kind that watch Ellen. Once you get soccer into the culture, its up to the sport itself to earn its respect.