Artificial Cheese

You can’t blame me, I was a confused young man who lost the only headphones he ever loved. It was a reaction to a situation that I couldn’t handle. But if I could do it all over again, I would have done the same thing.

Two weeks ago I broke my Grado SR60s. They had been with me from my college days. College sweethearts, if you will. When they left me, betrayed me, I wanted nothing to do with them. Sure, they were probably still the best headphones in the price range. Sure, I was satisfied with their performance over the time that I had them. But it was time for me to move on, sow my wild audi-oats.

So I hit the net hard, looking for a worthy replacement. Hours of research turned to days, and my search always led me back to the SR60s. Best value, best sound, best…headphones. Even my friends told me that I had something special and I was crazy to let it go. But what do they know? They’re out with different headphones every other night. The don’t know what real audio love is.

A week later I started to get desperate. I had put my hopes of a lasting relationship aside and just wanted a quick fix. I just needed to feel that pressure on my ears one time to get me through another week. It dawned on me that my dad’s Bose QuietComfort 2 headphones were still in my house. I searched my house like a celebrity out of rehab for that fix and finally found them.

The QuietComforts had been around the block. Everyone had used them at one time or another to fill their needs, and the QuietComforts play for any man who buys them a few batteries. But I was a fool if I thought that I was any different from those people. I took them out of their skimpy black case and wrapped them around my head.

It felt wrong. Partly because they didn’t have that gentle hold of my SR60s, but mostly because there was no sound. I realized that, unlike my SR60s, you had to turn these headphones on. My SR60s were always ready to play. Fortunately, turning them on was just flicking a switch.

I hit the switch and the world around me disappeared. The active noise cancelling kicked in and suddenly it was just me and the QuietComforts. I quickly found an MP3 and fired it up. The sound was loud, bassy, worn. But it was sound. I listened to those headphones all night long. The sound was not even close to the quality of my SR60s, but I didn’t care.

I woke up the next afternoon on my desk with scratches all over my chest and the headphone cord stuck between my teeth. It dawned on me that this couldn’t continue, I needed to find meaning in my headphone relationship. I hit the net with renewed purpose, and a level head. My fingers almost moved on their own as they combed the sites for a replacement. I found one…

Audio-Technica ATH-A900s. The name was a mouthful but the specs were dead sexy. Not only that, but they had sleek padded earpieces and giant cans, cans like you wouldn’t believe. I had to follow up on this possibility. I looked for opinions, looked for feedback, and looked in my own heart. All signs pointed to yes!

I went to work in DC but my mind was still at home. Every meeting, every conference call, every other minute in front of the monitor was saturated with dreams of me and my ATH-A900 romping through computer games together, dancing to MP3s together, watching movies together…dozing off together after a long night of surfing the Internet.

The dream came true when I arrived home the following Thursday. My loyal new headphones were waiting for me in a box. I took them out of the box and held them. They were firm and flexible; gentle when you slide them onto your head.

It was time; the moment was right. I turned off the lights and fired up Guns and Roses, Estranged. It was great, a mind altering experience. We listened to songs and played games for hours, only stopping to eat and stretch. The headphones were light and responsive, the sound was deep and rich.

As the night drew to a close, I couldn’t help but notice my old SR60s lying on the floor with the wire sprawled across the carpet. If they were plugged in, they’d probably be crying. A sight that once inspired hate and anger now inspired something else. I had come to terms with my SR60’s sudden break, and I realized it was my fault that they left me. I stretched the cord too far, and took its flexibility for granted. I also realized that my old friends needed help.

I picked up the phone and called up Grado. I explained my situation and asked if they could help. They said exactly what I wanted to hear, “We can fix them for $25″. It was the right thing to do, and there is no way I could regret fixing them.

The SR60s will be on their way back to the factory Monday morning, and the QuietComforts will probably never find happiness. The ATH-A900s and I have years of good sound together. Once my SR60s get back from the factory, we’ll probably enjoy a coffee together and listen to a few songs. We’ll clear up the air between us…

…Then I’ll sell em on eBay.