Artificial Cheese

So I decided that my blog needs another series of entries. This one has to do with opposing our newly elected leader, Barack Obama. No, I’m not a republican, but I don’t have to agree with the guy just because I like him. In fact, I’ll criticize him and ridicule him on my little corner of the internet BECAUSE I like him. I think he deserves my attention.

DC got it’s first bit of wintery precipitation over the week. I was conveniently out of town, but supposedly it was a bit slippery. So a bunch of places, like schools, decided to shut down for the safety of the people who potentially had to deal with the ice. The result was happy kids, relieved parents, and one angry black president.

Malia …and Sssssasha… Obama were amongst the countless victims of the school closings, and Daddy Obama was having none of it. “Grumble grumble,” said Barack, “…grumble grumble.” Sure that’s not what he actually said, but that’s certainly what he meant. What he actually said was, “folks in Washington don’t seem to be able to handle things. Maybe they need some flinty Chicago toughness.”

Really? After all that talk about respecting differences and making change, all you can do is say that people from here are tougher than people from there? Granted, people in Washington, DC have absolutely unexplainable reactions to precipitation, and downright absurd behavioral instincts when they see snow or ice, but people are different. People are good at handling what they adjust to, like Chicago and snow. Washington, DC happens to be good at making sure presidents don’t get shot at, and a little gratitude is in order for inauguration week.

And maybe DC can’t handle ice well, but DC sure handles ice better than Chicago handles fire. Every time someone lights a match, half the damn city burns down. In fact, I don’t think you can use the words ‘flinty’ and ‘Chicago’ in the same sentence without having a fire marshall standing by.

So settle down, Barack. The four years ahead are going to be long enough without hypothermiated disgruntled government employees screwing up the census and spitting in your mail. Maybe putting a little more emphasis on the plummeting economy or the looming environmental crisis would give you more traction with the constituents.